Category Archives: Parenting

Blank Space, Baby

My daughter is a very enthusiastic Brownie. She loves everything about Brownies, including selling cookies. ┬áMost people buy at least one box of cookies from a seven-year-old girl, out of kindness. (Our diabetic building porter tried to shove a fistful … Continue reading

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BFFs, Farms, and American Girl

We went on vacation this week. We feel more tired than when we went. Technically, we’re probably just as tired as before we went, but we’d been packing up the house for a week before our departure. A renovation began … Continue reading

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One Reason I Love My Daughter

Tonight, my six-year-old daughter and I were walking, and ahead of us, two men were holding hands. We’re seen stuff like this many times, and it’s no big deal–this is New York City, after all. (In fact, the members of … Continue reading

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Bribes Work

So, my evil plan seems to be working. Not the one to control the world. That’s still in the works, although so far, it’s not as smooth as I thought. The giant diamond I need to focus my Extra-Lethal Super-Sized … Continue reading

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The Imaginary Japanese Elf Friend (with a record)

As I put my six-year-old daughter to bed, she asked me to playact a story about Button, her imaginary elf friend. Cue Button being arrested. (He’s arrested in almost every story. Don’t ask.) Me (as police officer): Where’s the criminal, … Continue reading

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Conversation with my Teenage Babysitter, Who is the Daughter of a Friend of Mine

Me: So, how’s your mother? Her: Scrunches up face Me: She’s okay, right? Her:┬áMakes face as though she has terrible, terrible news, but cannot put it into words. Me: OH MY GOD! SHE’S OKAY, RIGHT?!?!?! Her: Well, I never know … Continue reading

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Depression Dolls and $40 Feedbag Dresses

My mom was born during the Great Depression. (I know–that makes me feel really old.) She grew up on a sugarcane farm in rural Australia, and didn’t even have electricity–if I’m remembering the story correctly–until she was 14. As a … Continue reading

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