Monthly Archives: February 2014

A Boy Named Valentine (With Apologies to Johnny Cash)

My six-year-old has been very, very excited about Valentine’s Day. In fact, she was contemplating naming her new stuffed animal Valentine, but then said “That’s not a real name.” I told her about St. Valentine, and also mentioned I had … Continue reading

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A Dear John Letter to Foodtown

Dear Foodtown, It’s over. You and I just weren’t a match. I mean, don’t get me wrong–we’ll probably run into each other now and then. But the crowded aisles, the meager organics section and almost non-existent organic produce just made … Continue reading

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Another Conversation With My Teenager Babysitter (and Daughter)

Disclaimer 1: Teenage Babysitter is a very bright and personable girl. Disclaimer 2: I have an ungodly fear of cockroaches, (also known as water bugs and palmetto bugs). This is probably because I grew up Florida, where the cockroaches are … Continue reading

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The Imaginary Japanese Elf Friend (with a record)

As I put my six-year-old daughter to bed, she asked me to playact a story about Button, her imaginary elf friend. Cue Button being arrested. (He’s arrested in almost every story. Don’t ask.) Me (as police officer): Where’s the criminal, … Continue reading

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